As always, Assalamualaikum :)

It's been like what, 3 years? I don't know who even reads my posts but I'm really sorry that I didn't post anything in here for so long. 

So... where do I start?

Right. College. It was hell. I guess you could say that my A-Level journey was pretty rough. I made some bad decisions, lost my self-esteem, my optimism, one thing led to another, and I didn't achieve my ultimate goal of studying overseas for my degree. Sort of lost it all there.

Ultimately, I was shattered, I was broken, I felt sorry for all the people who'd put their trust in me. But the thing is, the person who I was most sorry for was my younger self. She worked so hard for her dreams, only to have me ruining it. Maybe I put too much expectations on myself. Back then I thought there's only one path to success that I was willing to work for, and any other paths were just... darkness. Of course, that kind of thinking backfired on me. Because of that heavy expectation I put on myself, I became totally depressed when I couldn't achieve my goal. I had absolutely no backup plans, because I thought cutting off any safety nets would gear me up to work harder. 

Suffice to say I was stupid. 

But Allah SWT, His mercy extends to His servants in every kind of circumstances, even during the darkest of days. Honestly, my faith in Him was the only thing that tied me to this world when I didn't know what to do with my life post-result. Even my family wasn't gonna cut it. But Allah SWT blessed me with a spark of hope for better days to come, and He granted me the ease to find other opportunities that I could seek for. Alhamdulillah, it only took me two weeks to start moving on with my life, and here I am, an Economics student in University of Malaya, doing better than I ever thought I would.

Enough with the sob story, I'm doing fine where I am now, and I'm heading into the second semester of first year soon! Wish me luck :)

So why am I writing here again? I realised that back when I frequently wrote about my feelings here, I was mentally healthier than I am now. Having an outlet to just vent out all my ramblings, however insignificant, however frivolous, is a blessing in itself. Whenever I read back my previous posts, I thought, 'How the heck did I manage to maintain my optimism? Why was I so... calm and okay like nothing could ever get in my way? And to even share bits of my life that aren't even interesting here, what was I thinking?' But you know what? Despite all that, this side of me that writes in her blog is a happier version of myself. After everything that happened last year, I need to embrace this side of me more than ever. 

Thus I've included "Write more in EVE :)" as one of my 2019 resolutions (January was a trial run, right, everyone?). To me, writing is a form of self-care that keeps you sane and your mind clear. Writing just about anything will do, really. I've also noticed that my language skill is getting worse...? The last time I had a formal English class was waaaay back in 2016 with Mr Murali's Block 2 :') That was Semester 1 in KY, probably the only semester I was actually happy in that hellhole. I hope by writing more I'll get to improve as I go on.

1. cadre (n) - a group of people having some unifying relationship

Example: A cadre of demigods from Camp Half-Blood have gone on a quest set to be accomplished by winter solstice.

Yeah... You guessed right... I recently started reading the Percy Jackson series...

2. squall (n) - a loud cry / a sudden violent wind often with rain or snow

Example: The squalls of wind are making it dangerous for fishermen to go out to sea today.

3. nascent (adj) - coming or having recently come into existence

Example: The nascent growth of business-minded youth is good news for the country.

4. inundate (v) - to overwhelm / flood

Example: The bank was inundated by complaints after an unexpected downtime occurred over the weekend.

5. proliferate ( v) - to increase a lot and suddenly in number / multiply

Example: Local food served with cheese is proliferating across the country, which is alarming.

As always, Assalamualaikum :)

It's been like what, 3 years? I don't know who even reads my posts but I'm really sorry that I didn't post anything in here for so long. 

So... where do I start?

Right. College. It was hell. I guess you could say that my A-Level journey was pretty rough. I made some bad decisions, lost my self-esteem, my optimism, one thing led to another, and I didn't achieve my ultimate goal of studying overseas for my degree. Sort of lost it all there.

Ultimately, I was shattered, I was broken, I felt sorry for all the people who'd put their trust in me. But the thing is, the person who I was most sorry for was my younger self. She worked so hard for her dreams, only to have me ruining it. Maybe I put too much expectations on myself. Back then I thought there's only one path to success that I was willing to work for, and any other paths were just... darkness. Of course, that kind of thinking backfired on me. Because of that heavy expectation I put on myself, I became totally depressed when I couldn't achieve my goal. I had absolutely no backup plans, because I thought cutting off any safety nets would gear me up to work harder. 

Suffice to say I was stupid. 

But Allah SWT, His mercy extends to His servants in every kind of circumstances, even during the darkest of days. Honestly, my faith in Him was the only thing that tied me to this world when I didn't know what to do with my life post-result. Even my family wasn't gonna cut it. But Allah SWT blessed me with a spark of hope for better days to come, and He granted me the ease to find other opportunities that I could seek for. Alhamdulillah, it only took me two weeks to start moving on with my life, and here I am, an Economics student in University of Malaya, doing better than I ever thought I would.

Enough with the sob story, I'm doing fine where I am now, and I'm heading into the second semester of first year soon! Wish me luck :)

So why am I writing here again? I realised that back when I frequently wrote about my feelings here, I was mentally healthier than I am now. Having an outlet to just vent out all my ramblings, however insignificant, however frivolous, is a blessing in itself. Whenever I read back my previous posts, I thought, 'How the heck did I manage to maintain my optimism? Why was I so... calm and okay like nothing could ever get in my way? And to even share bits of my life that aren't even interesting here, what was I thinking?' But you know what? Despite all that, this side of me that writes in her blog is a happier version of myself. After everything that happened last year, I need to embrace this side of me more than ever. 

Thus I've included "Write more in EVE :)" as one of my 2019 resolutions (January was a trial run, right, everyone?). To me, writing is a form of self-care that keeps you sane and your mind clear. Writing just about anything will do, really. I've also noticed that my language skill is getting worse...? The last time I had a formal English class was waaaay back in 2016 with Mr Murali's Block 2 :') That was Semester 1 in KY, probably the only semester I was actually happy in that hellhole. I hope by writing more I'll get to improve as I go on.

1. cadre (n) - a group of people having some unifying relationship

Example: A cadre of demigods from Camp Half-Blood have gone on a quest set to be accomplished by winter solstice.

Yeah... You guessed right... I recently started reading the Percy Jackson series...

2. squall (n) - a loud cry / a sudden violent wind often with rain or snow

Example: The squalls of wind are making it dangerous for fishermen to go out to sea today.

3. nascent (adj) - coming or having recently come into existence

Example: The nascent growth of business-minded youth is good news for the country.

4. inundate (v) - to overwhelm / flood

Example: The bank was inundated by complaints after an unexpected downtime occurred over the weekend.

5. proliferate ( v) - to increase a lot and suddenly in number / multiply

Example: Local food served with cheese is proliferating across the country, which is alarming.